A cup of Sencha steams in front of me . My Macbook is open. I want to write something…
I was going to start this post by asking if you’ve ever experienced one of those moments when all of a sudden, for some reason that would be difficult to explain, you stop going with the flow of waking life and feel as if you’ve been snapped into a state of higher awareness of yourself and think that something has gone terribly wrong. I’m sure you’ve experienced such a moment. We all do at some point or another. (Don’t we? I hope we do…) Perhaps there should be a specific word for such an experience. I wonder what that word would be. It would have to be one that captures beauty and tragedy at the same time.
I was going to ask that rhetorical question because I’ve recently had such an experience. Right in the middle of a typical day at work.
I find myself wondering how it is that so many of my fellow human beings who are living in the luxury which our “first world” existence offers to us on an almost constant basis, seem to have found such happiness, while others are only able to torment themselves with questions which can’t really be answered. I also wonder why it is, and how it is, that I’ve fallen in with the latter group…
I’m not particularly sad that I’m a member of the tormented questioners, but I do, from time to time wonder what it would be like to be part of the group that does not think about such things. But I never wonder for long.
I suppose this is because I’m thankful for all the questions, the doubt, and the disappointments which have enabled me to see beauty in the tragedy that is the dress rehearsal for the show that is life.
Self-awareness? Maybe, revelation? How about Exposure? Those are possible words to fit the small description you wrote.
As for “the luxury” and happiness. Some people are better at repressing their sorrow than others. If we as human beings didn’t have “introspective red flag” days, how on earth would we be able to grow up and get past our doubts?
What I hear from this post, is a perfectly healthy description of uncertainty and an attempt to vent and expand on natural feeling.
How’s it feel to be normal? =) It’s nice to realize that there is no such thing.
Response?
Hey Brian,
Thanks for the comment!
With this blog I really just try to share the thoughts that come to me as a result of my work with tea, beyond that I don’t really have a goal for it. with this post I just felt like writing about what was in my mind. I guess I also was hoping that someone would read it, and if they were feeling something similar sorts of feelings I was hoping the words would give them some sort of solace.
-N